


sex (not the most auspicious start remix)

by clumsygyrl (thegirlthatisclumsy)



Category: Fall Out Boy, NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: GSF - Freeform, M/M, Pete Wentz is Cupid?, RPF Remix 2007, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-24
Updated: 2007-05-24
Packaged: 2017-11-10 16:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlthatisclumsy/pseuds/clumsygyrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: all true. yup. all of it. except where it’s not. being everything with vowels and consonants.<br/>Author’s notes: thanks to lovelypoet for the quick and dirty beta. uh... i just wanted to write pete wentz as cupid. i thought it'd be funny. written for althea5000 for the <a href="http://remix.chaotic-creative.com/">RPF Remix 2007</a>.  the original story is <a href="http://obsessivetendencies.net/yeah/sex.html">here</a>.  possibly the most misleading title of a fic ever. haha. also fixed minor typos that were in the originally posted fic.<br/>Warnings: did i mention the whole pete wentz being cupid thing?</p>
    </blockquote>





	sex (not the most auspicious start remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sex](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/10083) by althea5000. 



> Disclaimer: all true. yup. all of it. except where it’s not. being everything with vowels and consonants.  
> Author’s notes: thanks to lovelypoet for the quick and dirty beta. uh... i just wanted to write pete wentz as cupid. i thought it'd be funny. written for althea5000 for the [RPF Remix 2007](http://remix.chaotic-creative.com/). the original story is [here](http://obsessivetendencies.net/yeah/sex.html). possibly the most misleading title of a fic ever. haha. also fixed minor typos that were in the originally posted fic.  
> Warnings: did i mention the whole pete wentz being cupid thing?

So, it wasn’t the worst job he had ever had. Cleaning out the rabbit cage or sticking his hand down into the garbage disposal were pretty heinous jobs. As a punishment, this wasn’t a bad one. 

Pete just had to remember that pissing off a goddess was never going to get one good things. 

+

Pete didn’t know really how it started. Okay, he did, but it didn’t really matter. Either way he was stuck here. 

Stuck trying to get two boys together. Aphrodite would be pissed off royally if he screwed this up. Really and truly. 

+

Lance looked over at Justin and smiled. The smile that meant, ‘Come here and get this.’ 

Pete rolled his eyes and thought that with someone with the ass and smile that Lance had, that the guy would be better at this. 

Hell, _he_ could do better at it. 

\+ 

Pete was frustrated. He’d been at this for a while now. He knew that these two were pretty much perfect for each other. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and gave them both hard stares. (Not that the stare of an invisible cupid would be noticeable.) 

He had to figure out a way to get them together. 

He blinked. He was brilliant. 

He had the answer. 

+

How it all started Lance had no idea. Not that he was complaining. Having JC Chasez sucking your cock and Justin Timberlake making sex noises against the back of your neck weren’t things a boy complained of. Usually. 

Unless one was not gay. 

Then again that didn’t stop Justin or Joey. 

Maybe, he thought, he should stop trying to figure out group dynamics and just concentrate on getting laid. 

+

Pete could have patted himself on the back for the progress they were making. He had to remember that groupsex always, always solved problems. He rewarded himself with a nice long visit with Michael. He figured being an arch angel could get boring. If Pete was polite and respectful, Mikey sometimes let him (well, first call him Mikey) play with the fiery sword. 

The thing made grilled cheese sandwiches like nothing else. 

+

Lance had no idea what Justin’s problem was. The group sex was fine. It was a routine. Routine was something that Lance appreciated. It was a constant after all the years of living out of buses and suitcases. Now with their more than moderate success, they could fall back on a little cushion and enjoy themselves. 

So when Justin started monopolizing him, Lance was a little more than upset. Not in the sense that he wanted it to stop, but moreover that he didn’t know what to do with it. 

It would have been easier if Justin just… ignored him. A relief. 

It would be a relief sure, but he compartmentalized that part of his brain a little easier. 

Ease made of long years of watching Justin grow up into this beautiful thing, and stowing the fact that the group sex to him was a little more than just a tension breaker. 

Comfort, yes. But it was one of the few times he got to feel and hear Justin in ways that he never let himself, not even in his fantasies. 

+

Pete was finishing off his third toasted (courtesy of Mikey’s sword) peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he noticed that Justin wasn’t entirely toeing the line in Pete’s plan of action. He grumbled and eavesdropped. 

Pete wondered a moment if eavesdropping was the correct term. They couldn’t really see him or hear him. 

Mikey reasoned that it was like they were snatches of air. There but not really. 

Pete thought Mikey was getting too much air in his brain. He didn’t say this out loud because while he did enjoy the mild pain kink, having a fiery sword slash wasn’t his idea of good times. Besides he knew that Mikey preferred the most vanilla of sex. 

He realized that he probably shouldn’t think or say those things out loud. Never knew who was listening. 

But this Justin was going a bit to slow for his liking. Pete grumbled and wiped his sticky fingers on his robes. 

No rest for the wicked. 

+

Chris had no complaints. He had thoughts that if they stopped it’d be really awkward. 

It’s hard to explain to the hotel concierge that the giant boner in your pants is because the rest of the band didn’t get hot and heavy after the show. 

It would cut down on his dry cleaning. JC really had no aim when he was rubbing against someone. 

+

So, the group sex was working out well for every other member of the band. Every member except the two that Pete was supposed to be setting up for love. Stubborn blind mortals. 

Not that he wasn’t human. But once you get tapped for this gig as a punishment, one has to come to terms that if the goddess ain’t happy then no one is. 

Aphrodite had it in her crazy (albeit beautiful) head that these two were “Destined” for each other. 

Capital letter D with the quotation marks. 

Pete sighed and wondered if he popped out to visit Mikey for a quick rousing game of horizontal sword fighter that things would just work themselves out. 

+

Lance loved hotel showers. The water never ran cold and the towels were high grade. It was a far cry from cramped German motels and the scratchy toilet paper quality of what passed off for towels. He could hear Justin talking to Britney in the room. He took his time in front of the mirror, sucking in his gut and letting it out slowly. He laughed at himself. “As good as it’s going to get, Bass.” 

When the conversation died on the other side of the room, Lance just figured Brit’s on a rant about lipgloss. (He loved the girl, but could she ever go on about tinted lip cover.) 

Lance turned when Justin starts talking again, voice a little strained. He raised an eyebrow and gave him a smirk. Justin and Brit were notorious for phone sex. Justin gave him a weak smile and bolted. 

Lance refused to acknowledge the little flutter in his stomach as desire or disappointment. He didn’t want either where Justin was concerned. 

+

This Chris guy was making Pete’s job a lot harder. 

“Justin, we are not gay.” Chris said and Pete could just see the hamster in Justin’s head flopping around in confusion. 

Pete wanted to thwap the Chris guy on the head. “You have sex with dudes. You’re a little gay. Oral sex is sex, Mr. Clinton.” 

"Look, it's not like any of us ever mess around with guys at any other times." 

“Doesn’t matter,” Pete said rolling his eyes. “Still sex with particular guys. Sex with guys is kinda gay. I should know.” 

"What?" Justin’s voice was small and unsure. Kind of silly for a kid his age to be sounding like that, Pete thought. 

"Like, the after-show thing is different. It doesn't count. Special circumstances and all that." 

“Still gay. Special circumstances. No one was holding a gun to your head to suck that Chasez guy off, man,” Pete muttered rubbing the end of his bow with the corner of his robes. 

"Really?" Justin asked. 

Oh great. His job just got about a hundred different ways of more difficult. Thanks, douche. Pete really wished he were corporeal so he could really thwap some sense into both of them. 

"Yeah. I mean, if you were like, constantly thinking about fucking Lance or something, then you might be gay. But I really don't think you have anything to worry about." Chris said yawning and turning over onto his stomach. 

Pete blinked. Okay, maybe not so much a douche. 

Justin laughed thinly. “Yeah. Right. Of course. 'Night." 

"'Night J." 

+

If Pete weren’t so behind in his quota, he’d find the little breakfast scene rather cute. Middle school touches and almost bobbled bottles of milk. 

It was almost cute, but he was getting really tired of hiding out at Mikey’s when Aphrodite wanted a status report. 

And getting kind of tired of grilled cheese sandwiches too. 

+

Pete could have cheered when Justin mostly admitted he was gay. And hot for Lance. He was all ready to wing his way out of there when like a little punk, Justin wimped out and ran away. 

He ran away. 

Ran.a.way. 

Pete wondered if the goddess would be mad if he smacked his assignments in the head. 

+

Justin was flopped out blissfully on Lance’s bed when Pete finally checked back in with them. He was a little upset that he missed the show, but seeing as his job was mostly done he wasn’t that upset. 

Pete sat and admired the curve of Justin’s ass and the way Lance looked equally fucked out. 

The next few days Justin and Lance were like bunnies. Just going at it like they were sex starved. Which Pete knew was not the case at all. They both got orgasms on a regular basis. Pete thought wistfully of all the boys he was not having fun with back home. 

But that was almost done. Finish this job and he’d get to go. 

+

Lance was happy. Really fucking happy for the first time in a long time. He was getting laid on a regular basis by one of the hottest people on Earth. A devotion held by many a 14 year old girl. And some boys. 

However, they were not getting the daylights kissed out of them in a bathroom somewhere in Kansas. He thinks it could be Kansas. Lance was having a hard time with geographical and time issues. Mainly because Justin’s hand was stroking him through his jeans and sucking on his neck. 

It took him a couple of minutes to realize Justin was talking to him. Handjobs and thought processes usually didn’t go together too well. 

"Uh, Lance? What are we gonna do about later?" Justin was doing the lip biting worrying thing that usually Lance would find adorable and hot, but right now he would rather have Justin’s mouth in other places. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You know, later. After the show." 

"What do you want to do?" 

"Well, I might've made the whole issue moot anyway..." 

"Oh?" 

"I sorta promised Joey a blowjob in exchange for switching buses." 

Lance just started laughing, leaning against the bathroom wall for support. "Well, that does sorta solve the issue doesn't it." 

"You're not mad?" 

"Why would I be mad?" 

"I don't know, I thought it might be weird that I was promising sexual favours when we're all, you know." 

"Justin, it's what we do. Why would that change?" 

"I dunno, I just though it might be a little weird is all." 

"It'll be fine. Don't worry." 

Pete watched the entire scene. Yeah, he was watching. It was pretty much the only thing he could do aside from the occasional prod in the general direction into the right direction. A dropped thought into the right dream, et cetera. 

It was like watching a really bad teen drama. He almost felt bad for them. 

He would have, but this little setback meant he was not anywhere close to being finished. 

Damn it. 

+

Jealousy? Check. 

Longing gazes? Check. 

A night filled with lots of possessive holding and sweet making out in the morning? Check. Pete dusted off his hands and did give himself a pat on the back. 

Then he heard the other three talking. 

Chris’ jealous little snipes and Joey’s little indignant, “While he was with me?” made Pete wary. 

This did not bode well. He’d make sure to watch these other three more completely. 

He had his eye particularly on that Kirkpatrick. 

+

Pete sat back, lounging against one of the big couches watching. He was making damn sure that Justin and Lance were alone together on the other couch. 

It didn’t hurt much that the JC guy was really impatient and seriously needed to get off as soon as he got off stage. 

Take that, Kirkpatrick. 

+

Pete had seriously underestimated these guys’ endurance. They were nonstop. Dancing on stage, sex in the dressing room, and then his assignment could barely wait to be alone to go at it again. 

Pete was content for now. He was giving glowing reports to the Boss Lady and she seemed pleased. She did however tap her hourglass. She obviously did not think that positive encouragement as a valid way to enhance job performance. 

+

Justin was freaking out. Literally freaking out. Britney was fine with the groupsex thing. Or so she said. Before. 

Before when it was a group thing. She knew what it was like with a group of people on a tour for that long. Performer’s high and all that. 

But he was fucked. Oh so so fucked. She’d hate him forever. One of his best friends ever and she was going to hate him because he’s in--

"You wanna talk about it?" 

Justin hadn’t even heard Lance walk in, let alone notice that he was so close. He shook his head and mumbled, "Not really." His jeans were suddenly really interesting. 

"It's Britney, isn't it?” 

"I just. I just don't know what to say to her, you know?" Justin tried not to sniffle, but it was a hard thing. 

"Yeah." 

There was a long pause and they both sat there, relaxing into the space and sense of each other. Justin felt more grounded with Lance there, touching him. Better and more at home in his own skin than he had ever before. But he couldn’t stop the next words. "And even worse, I'm gonna have to see her, and there are going to be cameras around, and we're going to have to pretend we're happy and that nothing's wrong. Lance, this is going to kill her. What am I going to do?" 

Lance’s stomach tightened with pain. He knew what he should say. ‘Go back to her. She’s your girlfriend.’ But Lance couldn’t. He couldn’t be that noble. "You just gotta be honest, that's all." 

Cop out, Lance. He thought and felt even worse. 

"I just don't want to hurt her." Justin didn’t. He loved Britney. He always had. But it wasn’t the same anymore. 

"I don't think you have much choice." Lance wondered if he could dislike himself even more than he did right now. 

"But God. I love her.” 

Lance felt the bottom of his world drop out. He swallowed and got ready to hear the, ‘It’s been fun, man, but I should go ahead and let you go.’ speech. 

“…I really do, just--" Justin paused. 

Lance started when he felt Justin shift and slide his arm around his chest. 

"Just not as much as I love you." 

Lance felt the joy in his own heart and the guilt. 

He had no words of comfort for Justin. And just let him cry. 

+

Pete wondered when all this shit had turned into the gayest melodrama ever. Okay, so he felt bad for Justin. It totally sucked to have a bazillionaire popstar girlfriend and an equally hot bazillionaire bandmate boyfriend. 

He sighed and made sure that he soothed some of the ruffled feathers and whispered how hot that dancer guy was. 

She was angry and pissy at first. Pete made sure to make her look every time Lance and Justin shared a smile. 

Girls were so much easier at winning over to the romantic’s side. 

+

Things were going great. Swimmingly. Awesome in fact. Pete’s paperwork was almost done on the Justin Timberlake/Lance Bass case when it all went to shit. His back turned for one minute. 

(Okay, truth be told. Mikey called and Pete really wanted to celebrate his good job. He deserved it. He had to play matchmaker, calm an irate pop princess, and he was getting the rest of the band laid on a pretty regular basis. He thought he deserved a little release. And Mikey promised to wear the same glasses that all those slim hipped guys were favoring. How does one say no to that?) 

Kirkpatrick. He should have known. Selfish mortal. Goddamnit. Just because he missed his playmate. He’d walked in on Justin and Lance sharing a few stolen kisses. There was yelling and slamming of doors. He was surprised there was no rending of garments. 

Justin and Lance separated so quickly Pete felt his heart sink. He was never going to finish this job. 

“We should probably just cool it then, huh?” Justin asked and Pete screamed. 

And he screamed again when Lance said, “Yeah, I guess.” 

He was never, ever going to finish this job. 

Pete grumbled and tucked the paperwork under his arm and went about trying to figure out how to fix this shit. 

Somehow killing off Chris was not the answer. 

It’d make Justin cry, and Pete really didn’t want to have to see that again. 

+

Pete watched the shows from the wings (hah!) and he made a face. He’d seen sea nymphs on dry land put on a better show. 

They were all off. 

Pete shook his head. Watching the post show antics afterward were just as pathetic. 

New game plan. When one could not move the mountain (or kill the Kirkpatrick), the mountain moved accordingly. 

Okay, so Pete was shit at metaphors. Maybe a saying about crashing but not being a wave would make more sense. 

At any rate. If Pete couldn’t work against Chris, he’d work around and with him. As stated before, he probably couldn’t kill Chris. The five part harmony would get really messed up if he did. 

+

Pete gently reminded Justin that Chris was his best friend. The basketball game seemed to do them both good. They cracked jokes and Justin wiped the floor with Chris. Pete tried not to take too much malicious glee in that.

Great. Happy smiling band members meant for a quicker happier reunion. 

Or Pete really hoped so. 

He wasn’t keen on letting the sand run to thin. 

He really wasn’t keen on what would happen to him if he failed to meet quota. Aphrodite was beautiful and all, but man did the scholars get it wrong with her sweetness and light. She was kind of a bitch when she didn’t get her way. 

+

Okay, so the plan was to use Chris. Pete thought this was brilliant on his part. Who else to convince that him banging and loving Lance was okay then the one who pretty much broke them up in the first place? 

It was perfect. 

It did require a lot of alcohol. 

He waited for Chris to notice that Justin and Lance were avoiding each other. The man may fuck up his plans, but Pete trusted Chris to notice these things about his best friends. Pete was crediting Chris with a lot, but he was grasping at straws here. 

"So what happened? Lance suddenly forget how to fuck?" Chris slurred a little and the drink in his hand sloshed onto Justin’s arm.

Pete snickered and had to at least laugh at Kirkpatrick. He was kind of cute if not plan destructive. The conversation was going where he wanted it to. Fabulous.

"Why? Wait, were you guys just fucking, because it seemed like you were pretty into each other." 

Pete sat up and watched Justin for his reaction. This was going to be interesting. 

Justin’s back straightened and he looked ready to punch Chris in the mouth. Not that Pete would have minded much. "Shut up. What the hell do you care anyway? I thought you'd be fucking happy." 

Touche, Timberlake. Point to the young one. Pete grinned and turned to look at Chris. 

"Why the fuck should I be happy?" Chris looked at Justin as if he were touched in the head. 

Justin gave him the same look back. "Why else? Lance and I stopped doing our 'freaky gay sex thing' and you got your best friend back." 

Advantage, Timberlake. Pete did not rub his hands together. Though he wanted to. 

"The hell, Justin? I don't give a shit if you and Lance are fucking. Hell, I couldn't care if you skipped naked through fields of daisies holding hands and announced your love on TRL." 

Pete raised his eyebrows at the daises. Naked sure, but daisies? Really? 

“Okay, so the daisies thing would be a little weird." Chris smirked and continued. "Seriously man, I was just pissed off that you didn't tell me. I thought you were my best friend." 

Pete was wrong. Chris was a 14 year old girl. 

"I am your best friend!" 

And Justin was a 13 year old one. 

"Then why the fuck didn't you tell me?" 

"We thought you guys would be weirded out. Because of the whole after-show thing." 

Pete rolled his eyes. That shit totally made no sense on any plane. Mythical or other. 

"Um, dude. That doesn't make any sense." Chris said and Pete made a face. Okay, not the person he wanted echoing his thoughts. 

Justin fidgeted and he shrugged. "Well, like, it was Lance's thing, really. Because he's been gay forever but never told us, because he thought we'd think he was getting off on having sex with all of us." 

Huh. Pete thought that was the point. 

"You mean, he wasn't? Why do I suddenly feel insulted?" 

Okay, now it was just getting back to annoying. Pete crossed his arms over his chest and refused to contribute another thought. 

Justin glared again and he huffed. "No man, not like that. 'Cause like, the post-show thing is different. It's all about release and shit. He thought we'd be creeped." 

Chris wanted to laugh, but he tried for a serious expression. "Whatever. So what happened? He just started mackin' on you one day?" 

Wrong way ‘round, Kirkpatrick. 

"Shit, no! I started mackin' on him." Justin looked proud of himself and returned the smirk.

Pete started laughing at that. Chris soon joined in. "You two are the strangest fucking people I've ever met." 

Pete growled and almost mentally flicked Chris. "Dude, don't get me wrong, I think it's cool. We all do actually. You just shoulda told us. I mean, we figured it out in like, the first week. Y'all were not exactly subtle." 

Now Pete could have kissed Chris. It was the letter perfect thing to say. 

The grin started small but by the time Chris finished speaking it was ear to ear, even if he was blushing. 

Pete gently prodded Justin and Justin all but bounced in his chair. 

Chris made a face and made a shooing gesture. "Oh, gross man. I so didn't want to think about that. Why don't you just go find your boyfriend and tell him you guys can start having sex again." 

Justin nearly knocked the chair out trying to stand. Chris snickered and he put a hand on Justin’s arm. 

Pete paused. “I swear to Aphrodite, Kirkpatrick if you fuck this up now I don’t care. I’m getting Mikey to come and--.” 

"Although you guys might want to tell JC and Joey about it too. And while I'm lecturing, I'll add this: Could you also maybe, in between getting your freak on, once in while, find some time to hang out with little old me?" 

"Yes, Dad." Justin hightailed it out of the room and Pete eyed Chris. 

“Oh you are so lucky they just gave me this stupid bow and arrow and not a sword.” 

\+ 

Pete was dotting all the I’s and he was watching the proceedings on stage with half an eye. He really didn’t think anything could get fucked up this far along. But just in case. 

When they all headed into the room together and the clothes started to come off, Pete knew that they’d be okay. All of them. 

He frowned and wondered if he shouldn’t get a bonus. He helped young love along with Justin and Lance and got the rest of the band laid. 

“You did well,” a voice said behind Pete. 

Pete smirked and tilted his head. “Your Most Beautiful. So does that mean all is forgiven?” 

She rolled her eyes and thwapped him on the back of his head. “Next time do not break my little boy’s heart and we’ll be better friends.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Pete said ducking his head. It really wasn’t his fault that Eros was a hot piece of ass. 

She watched the proceedings with a faint little smile. 

"Hey Justin, I'm gonna give your boyfriend the best blowjob he's ever had." 

"Only if I can watch." Justin said already unzipping his pants and sliding a hand down to stroke his own cock. 

"Joe, JC, you wanna get over there an make sure he's not just watching?" Lance was laughing as Chris tugged at his pants. 

“A very good job, Peter,” she said patting his arm. “Enough to grant you leave and a blessing.” 

Pete was already laying down the bow and arrows down and the stupid scratchy robes. “A blessing?” 

She inclined her head and Pete squinted. Damn but her hair was shiny. “A blessing. A wish granted.” 

Pete thought for a long moment then he glanced back at the group behind them, a tangle of moaning sweaty limbs and mouths. “Well, I was thinking about starting a band…”

 

fin.


End file.
